Snuffle's Diary
Day 1: Dear diary, I'd like to start off by introducing myself even though we both know who I am. My name is Snuffles, short for Snuffs. I am a female furby with an intent to rule the world. With my sidekick Kyubey. But more about my evil plans later... I live in my owner Kai's closet, with a few of his older stuffed animals and might I add they are just a tad creepy. The teddy bear in the corner with one eye is giving me the creeps. I wonder if he knows I'm a notorious business furby with every intention of creating a massive murder plot. And he'll be the first one to go. The next would probably be the penguin to my right. She's too friendly. Always asking me if I'm okay and -shudders- cares ''about me. How disgustingly charming. The third, and by far the one I'd probably kill before the teddy bear would be the parrot at the top of Kai's closet. Seriously, how can you glare at a cute furby for so long? And why does he constantly squawk? Every time he does a feather flies off of him and lands right on top of my head. I'd like to pluck every single feather from that bird brain. And then make bird-brain soup. Yummy. But Kai never seems to notice anything strange when he comes in here. Always gives them a pat before me. And when he finally does give me a pat, its about a second long and get this, He doesn't even say I love you to me! How rude of him. Well, I have to stop writing, the parrot and the teddy bear are tag-teaming their evil glares at me. Time to create the murder plot. Wish me luck! ~''Snuffs; your cute furby friend Day 2: ''Dear dia- Seriously? This teddy bear is going to die today. If he tries to give me another one-eyed threat I swear... What the? Get this stupid penguin away from me! -scuffling noises- Sorry about that, I just slapped that psycho penguin away with my wing. Idiots. Who thought before I had even met them that I thought they could prove useful to me. I guess not. My expectations were cut short. Meeting with a business associate today, apparently his name is Kyubey. He looks like a cat. He says he's a male, but judging by the pink in his fur, I doubt that. He says he "eats souls for wishes". Riight. I'd like to see that happening. Good news though, Kai came into his closet this morning and lifted me up and hugged me. Man what a great five seconds that was. The parrot has been giving me the evil eyes all day because of that. If he doesn't stop throwing his feathers onto my head, I'm going to go up there and beat that little- *censored.....* Sorry about that, I got a little out of hand. Crazy bird is getting to me. Note to self: Kill penguin, parrot, and teddy bear. Make sure to make bird soup. Become Kai's wife. Wait what? You weren't supposed to know that... Ugh, I have to go, the penguin's beak is in my ear. The last time it was there I almost shoved it down her throat. Stupid penguins. Signing off, ~''Snuffs; mistress of revenge Day 3: ''The penguin is watching me. Not like her usual watching where she tries to read over my shoulder type of watching, but the creepo stalker watching like: "I plan to eat you, but I have no idea how to cook you into a soup" kind of watching. I tried to tell her numerous times to stop, but she keeps staring at me with those beady black eyes like she knows something. -Note to self: Shake penguin fiercely and slap her a few times later to see what she knows while both One-eyed Ted and Squawky Pete are asleep.- I also gave my three ''lovely ''companions nicknames. The penguin is named Flightless Beak for Brains. That one is my favorite. Its both funny and mocking. Take that you stupid penguin. In other news, I met with my business associate-turned co-partner Kyubey again today. I am convinced he is a female. He showed signs of feminism in the way he walked. He even smelled girly. What is wrong with that cat? Now, the real question is, does he really eat people's souls? Guess I'll find out tomorrow when I interrogate him. Oh! Gotta go, it's time to interrogate Beaky now while the other two bozos are asleep. Be afraid, little penguin, be very afraid. ''~Snuffs; chief interrogator Day 4: ''Not much to write today. I took a long nap. Penguin confessed to hiding fish under her pillow. Seriously? Only Beak for Brains over here would do something that stupid. One-eyed Ted has been keeping quiet along with Squawky Pete. ''Too ''quiet. I'll have to see what they're up to. Beak for Brains has also stopped giving me the creepo stare. Goodie, now I can really start my murder plot with Kyubey. Now if he'll only show me how he eats people's souls... Does he kill the person and then eat their soul somehow or does he just magically pull their soul out and then eat it like it's Fancy Feast? Only time and serious interrogating will tell. Snuffs out. ''~Snuffs; sleepy mastermind Day 5: ''I have officially gotten Kai to kiss me on the head. it was actually a lot harder then you might think. I might've softly bit him on the hand with my beak. Maybe. Beak for Brains and One-eyed Ted were watching a movie today. I think it was a chick-flick. Some blond bimbo fell into a puddle, got eaten by a lizard and was rescued by a man who only wore underpants. -slight whoosing sound- I just beakpalmed my forehead. The idiocy of these insolent stuffed animals. I cannot take living here much longer. I'd rather sleep in the cat bed next to Kyubey the female-who-claims-to-be-a-male. At least he shares his warmth with me. The other animals are mean and refuse to share anything with me. -slight sobbing- Ahem, I wasn't crying or anything -wipes tear with wing- Have to think of a way out of this stupid closet. Must make plans with Kyubey soon. Let the plan to take over the world and become Kai's wife initiate! Stupid penguin! Don't glare at me! Just because my wings are cooler then yours!! -slaps penguin- Get away from my diary you nosey beak for brains! ''~Snuffs; emotionally scarred '' ''Day 6: ''I fell asleep. ''~Snuffs; snoozing blue nightmare Day 7: ''Well diary, today on my usual walk home from the office, I noticed a strange group of girls walking past me today. One of them, the leader of the group, whose name I later found out is Wolfiana, is the creator of a sinister all-girl gang called "Da Chicas Freakas". She said that she would help me with my evil plot to rule the world. Hurray! Her exact words to me were, "Yo gurl, I will kill them all with my gang Da Chickas Freakas." I wanted to point out that they should probably order themselves a dictionary and find more words that could make them sound intelligent, but decided against it since they all looked like they were dumber then a lamppost and probably could only understand sentences only when they had the words "Kill. Them. All." in it. But if they can carry out my evil plans, then rest assured, they are a lot smarter then they look. Wolfiana has tattooed eyebrows and a ghetto look about her and normally I would never associate with these kinds of people, but if thats what it takes, then so be it. ''~Snuffs; judge of character '' ''Day 8: ''I have officially made my first attempt to pluck out all of Squawky Pete's feathers. I was about a second away from doing it before Kai burst into his closet, searching frantically for something. I froze in place, and pretended to hug the stupid parrot. He kept glaring at me. Stupid parrot. This parrot better watch his back, because the second he turns around, I'm coming to get him. Luckily though, Kai didn't notice us at all (to my utter and miserable disappointment) and found what he was looking for; a deck of Vanguard cards, and walked out of his closet, locking us all back into the void of darkness we called home. Oh joyous day, Beak for Brains is asking me if I have fish. How many times do I have to tell this freaking penguin that I am not a cat nor bird and would never touch a single fish in my life?! Stupid penguins... ''~Snuffs; mistress of disguise Day 9: I ate the fish that I had hid from the penguin. Woops. ~Snuffs; desperately hungry Day 10: ''One-eyed Ted and Squawky Pete tried to ambush me today, but I heard them coming at me a long way off. That and Beak for Brains kept whispering very loudly (the penguin race should be ashamed for having bred this poor penguin. God help this creature.) that they were getting closer and closer to me. Luckily for me, while these two insufferable animals were asleep, I set up a trap underneath my feet. Once I stepped off of it and out of the way and they stepped into it, it would snap shut and leave them both hanging uselessly in the air. Never Mess With The Furby. Ever. Or you'll become the next victim on my "To Do or Die List". And you don't want to be on that, right Beaky? Right. -tosses Beaky the second fish I hid... under her pillow- She couldn't even find her own freaking fish... And it was underneath her pillow!!! Ugh, I can't wait to escape this closet and these old stuffed animals. Gotta go, the teddy bear and parrot have arrived. -laughs evilly- It's showtime baby! ~''Snuffs; mistress of havoc '' ''Day 11: Another boring meeting with Kyubey. Starting to make a list of things I want to accomplish. Currently on the second idea. Will write more as we get through the list. ~Snuffs; let the evil planning begin Day 12: Kai brought a new girl home today. I saw her when he opened up his closet and grabbed a spare blanket to cover her with. She looked awful. Not that I felt sorry for her, Kai is mine. She had blackish-brown hair and deep gray eyes. I only knew this because she had woken up and the closet door was ajar. She only stayed the morning, but I watched as Kai had taken care of her so gently, as if she were a piece of glass and she'd break at any moment. I wanted to be the one he took care of like that. -Note to self: Stalk Kai's new "girlfriend". But first, find out what her real name is. ~''Snuffs; jealousy kills, and so do I'' Day 13: ''So diary, Kyubey tried to make me sign some sort of contract today. He wanted me to trade my soul for a wish, so I could see how exactly he ate souls. Turns out, the wish came true, but since I have no soul, he couldn't eat it. -exasperated sigh- And I was so looking forward to watching him eat my furby soul like it was tuna or cat food. A shame really. In other news, I have found out what Kai's new girlfriend's name is: Emerilla, short for Eme. -Note to self: Ask Kyubey to add "Stalk Eme" to my to do/die list. Also ask him to send out some assassins to spy on her and see what she knows. ''~Snuffs; soulless stalker Day 14: ''Another meeting with Kyubey today. Halfway through the to do/die list. The assassins I sent out to retrieve Eme decided to have what they called a "good time" at the local bar. They cornered her after they found her walking home one night from Card Capital and were about to kidnap her, but my sweet Kai interrupted them before they could finish the job. I'm not as mad as I wished to be due to my plan's setback, but it was Kai, so I can easily forgive him. Although to my utter annoyance, that same night he brought her here and as described in day 12, treated her the way he should treat me. -quiet sobs- Ahem, anyways, in other news, I'll have to hire better assassins to kidnap her a second time, and the next time, I will not fail. I will do whatever it takes to take Eme away from Kai. ''~Snuffs; determined assassin Day 15: -This is Captain Beatrice "Beaky" Marshall of the Navy Penguins writing in the stolen diary of Snuffle's the evil mastermind of a furby. How did I come across such a fascinating discovery? Well wouldn't you like to know. The information that I'm about to jot down is top secret, trusted only to the highest ranking leaders in our military, known to only a few of our most trusted associates, the Seals. Our blue furby friend is planning to make an attack on innocent humans, and we here at the Navy Penguins are here to put a stop to it before any harm comes to those who aren't causing any harm. I have been pretending to be a overly-cheery annoying and dumb penguin for the sake of our military operation. In actuallity, I am a very high-ranking member of the military. Captain Beaky Marshall is my real name, but as blue furby calls me, Beak for Brains. I will put a stop to this furby before anything else happens. Both "One-eyed Ted" aka Lieutenant Theodore Russell, the second commanding officer (and only bear) of the Navy Penguins. He's tasked with covering up one of his button eyes and pretending to look extremely old. He and I are spies. We were sent out on this mission for one reason and one reason only: To stop Snuffles the evil mastermind. That is all. -slight tearing- Better rip this page out before Snuffles comes back and finds her diary missing. I'll put it exactly where I found it, back under her pillow where she's always kept it, thinking that we were too dumb to even bother looking for it. Underestimating your opponent is never a good idea.- Signing off, ~B Day 16: ''I had an extremely long meeting with Kyubey yesterday and couldn't write in my diary. Sorry diary -pats-. I noticed that Beak for Brains and One-eyed Ted were both watching tv again. I only glanced at the screen for a second, but they were probably watching some sort of chick-flick again, knowing those idiots. My to do/die list is close to complete, I'm at about the 16th thing I want to accomplish. Pretty soon Kyubey and I will be ready to strike. Get ready Eme, because your worst nightmare is coming to get you. ''~Snuffs; nightmareish terror Day 17: ''Betrayed. Backstabbed. Revenge. These are all of the emotions that ran through me as I thought of Kai, the guy I thought loved me more then anyone else, but I was wrong. Completely wrong. He didn't love me like I thought he did, for he had chosen another. He had chosen Emerilla, the girl I despised the most. Whenever he left his closet door ajar, he would lay in his bed and stare at the ceiling with a goofy grin on his face, and knowing that I wasn't the one giving him that grin, made me heartbroken, and I didn't like it. I wanted him to myself, wanting nothing more then to be the only one who loved him the most in this world. Reality is bitter, but Revenge is sweet. ''~Snuffs; heartbroken and vengeful '' ''Day 18: ''Squawky Pete has been quiet for a few days. Too quiet. I should feel suspicious, but I have other more important things to worry about than a dumb parrot who probably thought that the back of the closet was some sort of escape hatch. Pah. Stupid birds. Hey, speaking of birds, Beak for Brains and One-eyed Ted have been occupying themselves with reading now. They read kindergarten books... and pronounce the world apple wrong. Seriously? Ape Al is not how you say it! Apes.. I should throw all three of these animals to the gorillas. They'd probably learn more there! Like how to climb trees and pick fleas off of one another. -deep sigh- I wish Kyubey and I could think of more ideas for our list. So far, he and I both have made a to do/die list and we're both stuck on the 17th thing. What more could a blue furby mastermind ask for after all? I can't wait to set my plans in motion! Just seven more days to go until all preperations are finished and Kai's little girlfriend disappears. Forever. Wish me luck my dear friend. ''~Snuffs; desperately seeking escape '' ''Day 19: ''I hate the color pink. It's official. A new penguin has arrived. Her name is Pinky. How original right? Pink fur, her name is Pinky. Like, come on people? Who names their penguin Pinky? What's wrong with people these days.... Anyways, Kyubey and I have gotten to the 19th thing on our list after two days of scrambling for ideas for the 17th and 18th items on our lists. My lovely companions Beaky, Squawky, and One-eyed Ted have been their usual selves. Watching chick-flicks, being noisy, trying to snoop through my diary (you realize I've had to hide this thing for a few hours so that Beaky and Squawky wouldn't find it?) They probably want to scribble-color all over my precious diary. Our newest friend, Pinky, seems nice, I guess. I wouldn't really know because I'm too busy planning out the demise of the world, starting with Beaky, One-eyed Ted, and Squawky Pete, but hey, that's just me. See ya later diary, I have some more planning to do. ''~Snuffs; hater of pink Day 20: ''Kyubey and I have officially finished our to do/die lists. Our murder plot is officially planned for tomorrow. We moved it up a few days. Meeting with Kyubey in five minutes. This'll be my last entry for a while, so with some tears and fondness I could never really have, I bid you adieu my lovely diary. The first thing on my list is to destroy my companions in this awful closet. Wish me luck. ''~Snuffs; Ave Atque Vale (Hail and Farewell) '' ''Day 21: ''Finally, Snuffs has hidden her diary for good. I've noticed that she's been meeting with Kyubey more often, and notice a gleam in her eye as she stares at a really long list. I need that list, and I need to find out when she's planning her murder plots. I will stop her at all costs. Ted, Pete, and I will get to the bottom of this. Our newest recruit, Pinky the Penguin, who was sent in as a spy, is pretending to be an evil psycopath and trying to imitate Snuffles. She's even made her own fake to do/die list. Even I wouldn't have thought of that. Smart penguin she is. She'll go places. Her pink fur may make her seem friendly and approachable, and she is in some ways, but there's another side of her, a quiet, calm, level-headed logistical thinker that no one really expects from a fluffly pink penguin. It's time to initiate the plan. Follow Snuffs to her headquarters where she'll be meeting with Kyubey; to execute her list, I assume. Wish me a lot of luck. Cptn. Beatrice Marshall out. ''~B; recon-agent Day 22: ''No wonder Snuffs always used this diary. It's addicting... Anyways, it turns out that Snuffs and Kyubey plan to put their plans in motion in three days. We have three days to stop them before they decimate the entire world. Forever. Including the penguin race. I spoke to Ted today about my wanting to follow Snuffs and Kyubey around town, but he completely refused to let me do it. Too dangerous, he said. Too risky. We can't lose you. ''I can't lose you. He said... I was honestly taken aback by his words, and didn't have a thing to say which was completely unlike me. I don't have time to sort out my feelings, I have a mission to accomplish. I have three days. That is all. ~B; utterly confused Day 23: ''Two days left. Our plan is extremely close to completion. Kyubey and Snuffles have been missing since this morning. Petey has been keeping tabs on them. They're hiding out in an abandoned cat shelter. I have to stop them before it's too late. The penguin race is counting on me. And so is Ted. I can't disappoint him. ''~B: savior of the penguins